Mindset vs Wiring

You hear it everywhere, don't you? “Change your mindset, change your life.” “It’s all about how you frame it.” And trust me, I get it. As someone who navigates this wild ride of AuDHD in their 40s, a late-diagnosis veteran, I’m a massive believer in the power of intention, perspective, and finding the calm in the chaos. I mean, who the hell wants to be miserable just because their nervous system does weird shit, right?

But here’s a hard truth, and maybe an uncomfortable one for some of you neurotypicals listening in: Your brain’s wiring doesn’t give a damn about your positive thoughts.

Let me be brutally clear about this, because this distinction — between framing and wiring — is the difference between genuine liberation and a lifetime of self-blame, resentment, and utterly useless masking.

Mindset: The Perception Game. Wiring: The Non-Negotiable Hardware.

Mindset is what you choose to focus on. It’s how you interpret events, the story you tell yourself about what’s happening to you or around you. It’s about your perspective, your philosophical choice in the face of circumstance. It’s incredibly powerful, absolutely. It defines your relationship with reality, and that’s a game-changer for many problems.

But then there’s Wiring. This is your damn nervous system. Your sensory processing pathways. Your executive function circuitry. It’s primal. It’s how your brain physically works, how information flows (or doesn’t flow). It’s not a belief; it’s a biological reality. And despite all the self-help gurus peddling “positive vibes only,” your wiring operates independently of your chosen mindset.

The biggest fucking problem, especially for us late-diagnosed autistic and AuDHD adults, is that our neurology isn't visible. There’s no broken leg, no giant rash. So too many uneducated "experts" or well-meaning normies reduce our lived experience to a "framing issue." When you’re a high-masking champion, someone who’s spent decades pretending to be "normal," trying to fit into a neurotypical mold, you look fine. So it must be your attitude. This, my friends, is pure, unadulterated ableist bullshit.

When Your Wiring Says "Fuck It," Your Mindset Can't Do Jack

Let me break down what happens when wiring trumps all the good intentions in the world.

1. The Meltdown/Shudown Reality Check

Imagine this: your internal world is screaming. Lights are too bright, sounds are stabbing your eardrums, emotions are a tidal wave you can’t surf. You, the intelligent, self-aware adult, know what’s happening. You know you should breathe, center yourself, use your coping strategies. Your mindset is yelling, "Calm down, just regulate!"

But your nervous system, your ancient, reptilian brain, has already hit the emergency override. It’s saying, “Fuck this, we’re either shutting down completely or exploding.” That meltdown or shutdown? It’s not an intentional choice. It’s your system overloaded, a circuit breaker tripped, regardless of how much zen Buddhism you’ve consumed or how many positive affirmations you’ve chanted. It’s the wiring taking over. Every. Fucking. Time.

2. Executive Dysfunction: Wanting vs. Being Able

Oh, how I wish "just letting things go" or "prioritizing differently" actually worked for my brain. I teach detachment, acceptance, flow. I believe in it intellectually, philosophically. Yet, when my executive function decides to take a sabbatical, leaving me staring at an urgent email for three hours, knowing full well what needs to be done, the doing simply doesn’t happen.

It’s not that I haven’t framed the email as important. It’s not that I’m choosing to procrastinate. It’s the initiation switch, the prioritization circuit, the working memory pipeline. It’s the wiring. It’s a literal struggle to make my brain perform a task that a neurotypical brain does on autopilot. And trying to willpower your way through a neurological jam is like trying to jumpstart a dead battery with affirmations. Good luck with that, sport. It drains you. Fast.

3. Sensory Sensitivities: The World Is Not A Mindset.

No amount of "positive reframing" will make a buzzing fluorescent light stop feeling like a drill bit in your skull. No mantra will quiet a restaurant full of chattering voices when your auditory processing is amplifying every single fork clink. Your mindset might help you cope with the aftermath, or choose sensory-friendly environments when you can. But it will never, ever change the fundamental reality of how your nervous system processes raw input. That's wiring. Period.

The Real Fuck Up (And Mindset's True Role)

When you dismiss wiring as mere "mindset," you’re doing two incredibly damaging things.

First, you force neurodivergent individuals, especially those of us who spent a lifetime masking, into a deep, dark cave of internalized ableism. We already battle intense self-blame, feeling "broken" or "lazy." Telling us our meltdowns, our task paralysis, our overwhelm is just a choice of perspective? That’s not liberation; that’s emotional torture.

Second, it entirely blocks real understanding, and thus, real accommodation from a neurotypical world. If you think I can just "think my way out" of sensory overload, you’ll never consider adjusting the lighting or letting me wear headphones. If you think my time blindness is "disrespectful," you’ll never accept that I truly need reminders or different deadlines. You demand conformity where biological impossibility exists.

So, does mindset matter? Absolutely. But not in the way these "neurotypical guru" experts often preach.

• Mindset allows us to accept our wiring. It’s the courageous choice to say, "My brain is different, not broken." It allows us to move from fighting ourselves to understanding ourselves.
• Mindset empowers us to design systems around our wiring. It helps us find solutions – the weighted blankets, the noise-cancelling headphones, the visual schedules, the AI tools for executive function – that work with our neurology, rather than asking our neurology to just "behave."
• Mindset is about self-compassion in the face of wiring. When the meltdown hits despite your best efforts, your mindset helps you pick yourself up, learn, and forgive yourself, instead of diving into a spiral of shame and internalized ableism.

The Real Work is About Understanding, Not Resisting

Look, the world is complex enough without adding performative neurotypicality to the mix. It's time we stopped asking neurodivergent brains to be anything other than what they are, fundamentally: wired differently.

My message, for those of us late-diagnosed seeking to truly unmask, for my neuro-tribe, and for anyone who truly wants to understand: STOP trying to mindset your wiring away. It's a losing game, and you’re the only one losing precious spoons and time.

Focus on understanding it. Lean into your unique neurobiology. Build those external systems, find those internal acceptance points, and seek genuine neuro-affirming support. Because when you finally accept that fundamental reality, when you start designing a life that respects how you're actually built, that’s when you move beyond mere survival. That’s when you can finally choose to be free, really, truly free.

And that, my friends, is a game-changer. That’s the real fucking work.